Syria fumes at loss of World Cup Qualifier: “We depend on our chemical weapons facility”

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Syria has launched a scathing attack against the West in the wake of their loss against the Socceroos at the World Cup Qualifier last week.

It accused the West of sabotaging their soccer players through targeted airstrikes on their chemical weapons facility in September.

“We really depend on our chemical stocks to compete against the world’s best soccer teams,” one player said. “Now they’ve all been destroyed.”

Another player lamented the loss of his “a-bombs,” referring to a commonly-used term for Anadrol and one of the most popular steroids used by budding and professional sportspeople.

“Everyone thinks all we stock are deadly substances and gases,” a spokesman for the Syrian team told his local reporters. “But that’s not true at all. Our chemicals are quality-tested and assured. They’re used in just about every anabolic sports supplement around the world. Some of them are found in our poultry and meat.”