Lung cancer tops list of methods for kicking the smoking habit, survey finds

Lung cancer has topped a list of quit-smoking methods, a groundbreaking survey has revealed.

“We asked more than 1040 long-term heavy smokers around Australia what helped them to stop smoking,” said Dr Amit Radhakrishnan who led the major research project. “And it was diagnosed lung cancer which came out as the number one aid in our study.”

The survey results showed that next on the list was stroke followed by heart attack and then emphysema. On the bottom of the list were health warnings and healthy lifestyle education.

“I could really have given two shits about the graphic health warnings on smoke packs,” said one participant in the study. “It wasn’t until I ended up in hospital coughing up mucus and blood that I thought giving up would probably be a good idea.”

High prices for cigarettes were also way down the list as many smokers on low incomes said they’d rather go without food and electricity than miss the satisfying and soothing draw of cigarette smoke.

“I would literally kill for a smoke back in the day,” a former smoker who puffed 50 a day told the researchers. “And I didn’t care if I had to skip showering for a week or use newspaper as toilet paper for a month to pay for it.”

Dr Radhakrishnan said that while their research found that lung cancer topped the list of quit-smoking aids, he said for best results smokers should use a variety of methods to help kick the habit.

“If dire health warnings don’t urge you to stop smoking then try different approaches such as eating your cigarettes, having a smoke-induced heart attack and filling a jar with the tar from your lungs to place on your bedside table as a reminder of what is deposited in your body each day.”

Dr Radhakrishnan said that while some strategies were more effective than others, the only foolproof way of kicking the habit was by kicking the bucket.

“Our study showed that 100% of smokers who died were able to quit smoking for good.”