Sad Sam Dastyari says he’ll have to go on the dole

Sam Dastyari, who resigned from Parliament on Tuesday, has emerged today saying he’ll have to go on the dole now that he is out of a job.

“It is with deep regret that following my resignation yesterday, I will be approaching my local Centrelink office to apply for Newstart allowance,” a despondent Dastyari told The Aussie Advocate this morning.

“As I’ve always acted with integrity and I remain a loyal, patriotic Australian, I feel it is the only right thing I can do at this point,” he said.

The 34-year old former party whiz-kid remarked that he was sorry for failing in his duty to render proper service to the federal parliamentary Labor Party and that he would not be returning to the Senate in 2018.

“Instead, come 2nd of January, I’ll be enlisted into the Government’s grueling community services program called Work for the Dole,” he said.