ISIS is set to be renamed WASWAS after their humiliating defeat by Western coalition forces.
The new name, which is due to come into effect in the New Year, is part of a top-down restructure of the organisation.
“It’s the right thing to do,” says Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi, leader of the jihadist group.
“I can no longer pretend to be head of the most murderous army of men in the world when they sit here and whimper like frightened little boys.
“Who’s going to think of me as leader of the world’s most bloodthirsty group when we are nothing but a bunch of pussy has-beens?
“I mean, for fuck sakes, look at these cry-babies! Some of them are even asking for counseling and mental health treatment plans!
“So today I announce, effective from 2nd January 2018, ISIS will be known as WASWAS to reflect current realities.”
Al-Baghdadi said while his fighters had taken the loss hard and were having trouble coping with life, he wasn’t going to give up that easily.
“We need to get back in the game and do what we do best – killing and kidnapping – so we can turn WASWAS back into ISIS again!”